


Once Upon A Time

by Stakebait



Series: Strange Bedfellows: Being the Unlikely Adventures of a Vampire and a Slayer [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-02
Updated: 2010-06-02
Packaged: 2017-10-09 21:24:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/91769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stakebait/pseuds/Stakebait
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fairy tales can come true, when you're on a Hellmouth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon A Time

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written by Keren, but it won't let me say so because she doesn't have an AO3 account. (I do have her permission to post.) Script format.

Afternoon at the magic shop: Willow and Tara are at the research table  
amongst the usual pile of books. Anya is flitting about the store, dusting,  
replacing items on the correct shelves, and assisting customers. Xander  
is tending the counter. There are muffled sounds of punching and falling  
coming from the back room.

Xander: What are they doing back there?

Willow (in a tone that implies duh): Slayer practice, same  
time, same channel.

Xander: Minus the sidekick  she used to do this with me!

Anya (over a customers head): Yes, but I dont have to suffer  
if she kicks Spike in the groin.

Xander reddens.

Tara: Are they still getting along OK?

Willow: Hard to tell, but we havent had to zhoop Spike up with  
a dustbuster yet, so Im taking that as a good sign.

Tara nods.

As she is speaking, a young boy, probably around age 17, is perusing  
the books behind them.

Xander: Or a bad sign! Why do we need Spike again?

Willow: Cause none of us are exactly the weeble-wobble type? (She  
gets a blank look from Anya who is now marking up the jars of eye of newt.)  
You know Weebles wobble but they dont fall down?

Anya: Its not like he can hit back or anything.

Tara: I think its good for Buffy to have someone she doesnt  
have to pull her punches with.

The boy who had been perusing the books comes to the counter with one  
in hand. He puts it on the counter.

Jamie: How much for this book? (The title reads Fairy Tales, A  
Living Tradition)

Xander (looking at the back of the book): Hey An, how much is £10  
in American?

Anya (Not looking up from pricing): $20.

Xander: Thatll be twenty big ones. (The boy pays with a credit  
card and leaves.)

The boy walks out of the magic shop and down a couple of blocks to his  
house. He opens the door to a bunch of six-year-olds enjoying a Birthday  
party already in progress. The presents have been opened, and the cake  
is has just been brought out. He walks over to the Birthday girl, a small  
child with blond pigtails and a blue party dress.

Jamie: Here you go Cindy  Happy Birthday!

Cindy (as she squeals with delight and opens the book): Oooh! Look! A  
birthday wish! (There is an old etching of a girl blowing out candles  
with

Spirits of the earth and air

Hidden sprites of everywhere

With this song I beg of you

Make all my dreams and wishes true.

inscribed beneath it. She sings the wish and blows out her candles.

*************************************************************

Meanwhile, in the danger room: Buffy is pummeling a somewhat worn looking  
Spike, who is blocking, but making a concerted effort not to hit back.  


Spike: Come on Slayer, you can do better than that!

She kicks him quite hard in the stomach, sending him flying across the  
room, into the far wall.

Spike (picking himself up): Better, better...

Buffy: I think you enjoy this too much.

Spike: I think you dont enjoy this enough.

Buffy (deals him a blow across the face): What makes you think that?  
(Gives him an overly-innocent smile.)

Spike: Let yourself go luv, youre not gonna hurt me. (Buffy grabs  
him by the neck and runs him up against the wall, her face inches from  
his.) Much.

She drops him to the floor and goes to get a drink of water.

Spike (picking himself off the floor yet again): Admit it, isnt  
this more fun than fighting the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man?

Buffy: Well, youre way more mobile, but even Xander could pull  
my hair if he wanted to, Senor Chip &amp; Dip.

Spike: Yeah well...

Buffy: Why are you so keen on doing this anyway? What do you get out  
of it besides black and blue?

Spike: I like to see the look on your face when you get a good one in.  


Buffy: Eew! All sweaty and snarly  real attractive.

Spike: Im used to snarls. Look Slayer, just for a second when you  
land that certain punch or kick some vamp in his unmentionables, you get  
it. You let it in.

Buffy: Let what in?

Spike: The other side of your ruddy coin! Yes, its your destiny;  
yes its your bleedin job, but whatever happened to job satisfaction?  
Youre the best, Slayer, and just for that one-second you seem to  
embrace that -- and then you bottle it all back up inside that pretty  
little head of yours.

Buffy (annoyed and insulted): Spike, Im not like that, Im  
not Faith!

Spike: No, from what Ive heard youre not luv. She didnt  
embrace it; she was consumed by it.

Buffy (bitterly): Is there a difference? (She gets back into fighting  
stance.)

Spike: Sometimes.

They continue sparring, or more to the point Buffy continues to punch  
a non-responsive Spike.

Buffy: Cmon Spike, why dont you take a shot?

Spike (tired of being pummeled): Alright then... (He goes to hit her  
and...) ARGGGHH! (Spins around clutching his head.)

Buffy: Lets call it a day, shall we?

*************************************************************

The next evening at the Summers home: Dawn and Spike are on the  
couch watching The Little Mermaid.

Spike: I know I read this when I was a kid, and I sure as hell dont  
remember any singing crabs.

Dawn: Its Disney Spike, suspend your disbelief.

Joyce: Popcorn anyone?

Dawn: Mom!

Spike: Ill have some Joyce.

Joyce: Well, Im off to the gallery for the opening! Spike, dont  
let Dawn stay up too late.

Dawn (even more embarrassed): MOM!

Spike: Right-o Joyce. Early to bed for the kiddies.

Dawn: Spike!

Joyce leaves.

Dawn: Youre not my babysitter you know. If there wasnt an  
evil god looking to stick me in some sort of door, Id be able to  
look after myself!

Spike: Well, my little flowering onion, if there werent any evil  
god around, you wouldnt be here stuffing your face with popcorn,  
now would you?

Dawn (stops eating as tears start to well up in her eyes): I cant  
believe you just said that.

Spike: Now dont take on pet, as irritating as this Glory tart is  
youre certainly worth the annoyance.

Dawn grins, and to Spikes horror, starts to sing along with Flounder.  


*************************************************************

A little bit later:

Spike: Alright, now thats done it! There was definitely no living  
happily bloody after at the end of that story! That little fishy turned  
into sea foam cause she had no soul, like yours truly. Or, like  
yours truly used to.

Dawn doesnt answer, as she has fallen asleep on Spikes shoulder.  
He sighs, picks up the remote without disturbing Dawn, and starts flipping  
channels.

*************************************************************

Buffy is walking home later that evening. She passes by a group of girls  
playing a singsong game on their porch and goes into her house. She sees  
Spike looking semi-uncomfortable with a sleeping Dawn curled up next to  
him.

Buffy (smiling): You didnt invite any girls over while you were  
babysitting my little sister, did you?

Spike (Gently extracting himself from Dawn): Nope. Been on this couch  
all night as is.

Joyce (coming in behind her daughter): Oh hi you two. I got back earlier  
than expected. Everything OK?

Buffy: All quiet on the western front. We should go to Giles now  
Mom, (she grabs her patrolling bag) Ill be home later.

Joyce: Bye!

Spike: Bye Joyce!

*************************************************************

Buffy and Spike begin to make their way to the Magic Box. They are walking  
along, not talking when Buffy spies a spout of flame in the distance.  


Buffy: Better go see whats up.

They jog over towards the source of the light and stop flabbergasted  
in front of a medium-sized dragon sitting atop a pile of what appear to  
be gold coins. The dragon notices them, inhales, and sends a burst of  
flame towards the two. They dive to opposite sides as the flames lick  
the sidewalk. The dragon lurches towards Buffy, and is halted by Spike,  
who plunges a wooden stake into its side.

Buffy: I dont think stakes are going to do it Spike! (She runs  
a few feet away, and begins to extract her crossbow from her slayer bag  
o tricks.)

Spike (rolling out of the way as the dragon sends a new gust of flame  
towards him.): Yeah, I think youre right.

Buffy pulls out her crossbow and sends an arrow into the beasts  
neck. The dragon lets out a howl and begins advancing on Buffy. She manages  
to load another bolt and shoot the final killing arrow just before being  
hit by its long claws. The dragon slumps to the ground dead, and disappears.  


Buffy: Ok, major weird. Where did that come from? And where did it go?  


Spike: You got me, but look at this pile of...oh for fuck sake.  
Its all gone!

Buffy: I think we need to get to Giles now.

*************************************************************

Buffy and Spike enter the Magic Box to find the scene much unchanged  
from the previous afternoon, save that Giles has joined the group.

Willow (noticing the singe marks on Buffys jacket): What happened  
to you guys? Are you OK Buffy?

Buffy: Yeah Will. We just had an encounter with your run-of-the-mill  
dragon, thats all.

Giles: A-a dragon? Buffy, are you sure?

Buffy: Well, it was scaly and pointy and shooting flame from a pile of  
gold. I just assumed.

Xander: Do you think Glory sent a dragon after you?

Buffy: I dont think it was Glory. That giant snaky thing she sent  
was much tougher to kill than this, and it didnt disappear after  
dying either.

Willow: It disappeared?

Spike (mumbling under his breath): Yeah, and took the whole pile of gold  
with it too.

Giles: I dont know what to say about this. Dragons have been extinct  
for centuries now, and as appropriate as they seem, considering the recent  
resurgence of the Byzantine knights, Im at a loss.

Xander: Looks like its time to hit the ol books again, eh  
Giles? Where do you think Dragons fall on the Dewey Decimal  
System?

Giles gives him a we are not amused look.

Buffy: Well, while you guys hit the books, Spike and I will be team Dragonslayer.  
I hope there arent any more of these around.

Spike: Yeah, they tend to wreak havoc on the crops. And the local population  
of virgins as well.

Crickets could be heard above the dead silence in the room as everyone  
stares at him.

Spike: What?!

Buffy: Lets go foot-in-mouth boy. (She pulls him out of the shop.)  


*************************************************************

Buffy and Spike patrol the streets of Sunnydale, but find no more dragons.  
They are walking through the park and are about to call it a night.

Buffy: This is odd, why would there be just one presto-chango dragon?  


Spike: Youve got me luv. (They start to walk over a small bridge  
that extends across a brook, when they hear a voice.)

Troll: Whos that tap-tap-tapping on my bridge?

Spike: Well, its not a bleedin Billy goat. Whos that?  


A troll emerges from under the bridge. It is nothing like Anyas  
ex-boyfriend troll of a couple weeks ago. It is small, green, and naked  
with a long pointed nose, and decidedly cartoon-like.

Troll: You cannot cross my bridge without paying the toll!

Buffy (stifling a laugh at seeing this menacing troll that barely comes  
up to her knees): Oh, I think we can manage it....

She is cut off as the troll snarls and launches himself at her. She starts  
back in surprise, and Spike grabs it out of the air and snaps its neck.  
As he drops it to the ground, it disappears.

Buffy: Whoa, again with the disappearing act. We really have to get to  
the bottom of this. Hopefully, Giles and the gang will have found something  
by morning.

Spike: Yeah, I dont fancy having to climb a beanstalk anytime soon.  


As they part ways, neither notices the ivy beginning to creep up over  
the bridge, or the small, thatched cottages that were not there before.  


*************************************************************

Morning at the Summers house:

Joyce and Buffy are in the kitchen. All of a sudden, they hear thump-thump-thump-THUD!  
They run to the living room where Dawn is in a heap on the floor.

Buffy: Oh my god, Dawn! Are you OK? What happened?

Dawn looks up at Buffy, and goes to speak, but nothing comes out. Dawn  
starts to freak out.

Joyce (frantically): Buffy, whats wrong with her?

Buffy (holding back tears): I dont know. Lets help her get up.  
(They hoist up Dawn who winces in pain as she is set down on her feet.  
Her knees begin to buckle) Ill just put her on the couch.

Dawn, once on the couch starts motioning for a pen and paper. Joyce goes  
to get a notepad from the kitchen.

Dawn (writing): My legs hurt.

Joyce: We should get her to the hospital.

Dawn (waving her arms and then writing feverishly): NO! Thats where  
Glory found me, remember? Im NOT going back there!

  
Buffy: Shes right. We have to find out if this is Glorys doing  
or if it has anything to do with the other current weirdness.

Joyce: But what if it is a medical problem?

Buffy: Mom, can you think of any illnesses that only attack the throat  
and legs?

Joyce: No, but...

Buffy: Im going to go to Giles and see if hes found  
out anything. You stay here and take care of Dawn.

Joyce: But what if it is Glory  do you think Spike could come over?  


Buffy (sighing): If I make him, he will. OK  Ill get Spike,  
you stay here. (She leaves)

A little while later...there is a frantic knocking on the door. Joyce  
looks through the window and then opens the door to a flaming, blanketed  
Spike. He rushes in and drops his daylight cover, stamping out the flames.  


Joyce: Oh Spike, thank you so much for coming over. I know this is inconvenient  
for you.

Spike (sarcastically): Oh, think nothing of it. Now, whats the  
problem? The Slayer was a bit unclear.

Joyce: Its Dawn, she cant walk and she cant speak.  


Spike (goes over to Dawn on the couch): Alright cutie, whats wrong  
then?

Dawn (rolls her eyes and writes): Cant talk. Legs hurt.

Spike: Looks like its charades then.

There is a hint of a smile on Dawns face for the first time that  
day.

*************************************************************

Buffy is on her way to the magic shop. She passes some children paying  
jump rope and singing.

Children: ...with this song I beg of you make all my dreams and wishes  
true...

She also notices that Sunnydale has changed a bit. Where there once were  
houses, there are now thatched cottages, and castles. A market has gone  
up in the middle of town, and livestock is running around loose. Out of  
the corner of her eye, she sees a small girl being chased by two fawns  
and a bunch of blue birds, looking terrified. She quickens her pace, and  
arrives at the magic shop shortly.

Buffy: Hi guys! Dont you ever go home? I mean, I appreciate the  
research and all, but really.

Anya: I dont know about the rest of them, but I work here.

Giles: Yes, thats not important now, have you noticed...

Buffy: The bedtime story syndrome?

Giles: Um  yes.

Buffy: Any idea whats going on? Dawn woke up unable to walk or  
talk this morning  Moms really worried.

Giles: What? Do you think this is Glory?

Buffy: Still dont think so. She doesnt seem the fairy tale  
type. Im hoping Dawns problem is related to the trolls. Any  
luck?

Willow: No, we were looking for dragons until we looked out the window  
this morning. Just started our fairy tale research.

Buffy: Well, I guess Ill do a daylight patrol.

Willow (noticing Buffys unrest): Want some company?

Buffy: No. Well, yeah, this shouldnt be too dangerous. Lets  
go.

*************************************************************

Buffy and Willow patrol the streets of Sunnydale, but they are unusually  
quiet.

Willow: Are you OK Buffy? No, wait, youll say yes to that. How  
about whats wrong  and dont say nothing.  
The doctor is IN. Talk.

Buffy: Well, mostly the usual, but this thing with Dawn is wigging me  
out. Its bad enough protecting her from Glory without this completely  
oddball stuff. But, whats even worse is that both Mom and Dawn send  
for Spike whenever I cant be around.

Willow: But thats good right? Twenty-four hour Glory patrol?

Buffy: I guess. I dont know Will; I just dont completely  
trust him yet. I mean, Im not worried hes gonna freak out  
and eat my family or anything, its just...hes kinda new to  
the whole decent human being thing, and theyre turning him into  
surrogate Daddy.

Willow: But, I thought he was your new sidekick.

Buffy: In a way...I dont know. I havent really worked it  
out yet.

Willow: Well, didnt you...I mean...I saw...you did...it.

Buffy: Yeah, but that was soul repellent. Mostly (she looks down).

Willow: Mostly!?

Buffy (babbling): Yeah, I mean, we you know, de-soul-ed him and then...(her  
voice gets very small) made sure it worked.

Willow is struck speechless.

Buffy: I dont know why it happened again, well, I mean... as I  
said to him, as far as sacrifices go...But there hasnt been anything  
since then. Which is good. I think. Will, I still dont know what  
I want, and luckily lover-boy seems to have calmed down (pauses) which  
just makes this all the more confusing! (She sits down in a huff) Can  
I just be the Slayer without vampires falling at my feet left and right?  
Except as dust  thats OK.

Willow: Well, Buffy, you need to figure out what you want. Im not  
a hundred percent sure on Spike either, but have you talked about it?  


Buffy: Im not ready to.

Willow: Then look on the bright side  its good that hes  
apparently given you some time. Deal with Dawn first. Possibility of smoochies  
later.

*************************************************************

Buffy goes home that evening, and finds Spike and Dawn playing miming  
Monopoly.

Buffy: Everything OK?

Spike: Apart from your sister being unable to move or speak  yes.  
Do you know whats causing this yet?

Buffy: No, not yet, but hopefully soon. Im gonna eat now, but Ill  
be patrolling later. Do you wanna come?

Spike: Yeah, alright. Come pick me up when youre ready. But come  
after 7:30, its an all-new Passions.

As he leaves, Buffy notices his burnt blanket in the hallway.

*************************************************************

Spike goes outside and gets as far as the end of the walk when he sees  
a little girl in red being chased by a wolf. He looks indecisive for a  
moment, and is about to walk away, when he mutters bloody hell  
and launches himself at the wolf. They tussle for a bit, but the wolf  
is no match for Spikes enhanced vampire reflexes. He deals the wolf  
a final blow and it disappears. He looks up to find the girl but she is  
long gone. Instead, he sees Buffy standing on her porch holding his blanket  
with her mouth hanging open.

Buffy: What did you just do?

Spike (very embarrassed at being caught in an act of altruism): Nothing!  
I mean well, it could have been the little bit, couldnt it? I mean...  
(he grabs his blanket from her and runs.)

Buffy stands for a moment looking thoughtful, and then goes back inside.  


*************************************************************

Buffy goes to pick Spike up later that evening. Neither makes mention  
of the nights previous events. They are making their rounds when  
they see a boy being threatened by a bully. The boy begins to chant:

Spirits of the earth and air

Hidden sprites of everywhere

With this song I beg of you

Make all my dreams and wishes true.

A giant appears next to the boy and begins to advance on his aggressor.  


Buffy: Off we go!

She and Spike head toward the odd scene and engage the giant. Once again,  
after a short period, the monster is defeated, and like his predecessors,  
disappears.

Buffy: That song, Ive heard that song.

Spike: What song?

Buffy: All the kids have been singing it, you know, with this song  
I beg of you, make all my dreams and wishes true. I think theyre  
wishing these things into being.

Spike: If thats true, then why would Dawn wish not to talk and  
have...oh bloody hell, thats it!

Buffy: What?

Spike (embarrassed): Well see, me and your kid sister were watchin  
The Little Mermaid...

Buffy bursts into uncontrollable giggles.

Spike: Dyou wanna hear this or not, Slayer?

Buffy (stifling laughter): Sorry (snort) sorry (giggle)

Spike: Yeah, and well, I told her about the original story, you know,  
unhappy fish wants to be human, loses her voice and cant walk around  
without bein in pain. I guess she wanted to be human too. Lord knows  
why...

Buffy: Oh god  lets get back to the Magic Box  hopefully  
Gilesll know how to reverse this.

*************************************************************

At the magic shop:

Xander: Well, its been hours now and we still have no idea what  
turned our happy little hellmouth into a storybook village.

Giles: I know. Well just have to keep looking. I thought I had  
another book on fairy tales, but I cant seem to find it...

Willow: What was it called? Maybe I brought it home by accident.

Giles: Fairy Tales, A Living Tradition

Anya: Oh, we sold that.

Giles: What? It isnt part of the inventory!

Anya: Well, I saw it on the sales slips.

Giles: Oh dear.

Buffy and Spike rush in.

Giles: Buffy, I think we know...

Buffy: Giles, I think we know...

Giles: What? You first...

Buffy: What? You first...

Giles (sighing): We seem to be missing a book that may hold the key to  
our problem.

Buffy: We think its being caused by this singsong rhyme I keep  
hearing. Kids all over town are wishing for things and getting them. Only  
not in the good way.

Tara: Yeah thats always how things happen in fairy tales.

Buffy: So, who has this book?

Anya (looking up from a pile of receipts): A Jamie Crichton. He lives  
at 3203 Oak Road.

Buffy: Ill go get it  be back ASAP.

*************************************************************

Later that night:

Giles (finishes reciting counter spell): Hopefully that worked. Well  
find out soon enough. By the way Buffy, how did you get the book back?  


Buffy: Oh, he gave it to his little sister, I just promised her an exchange.  
She really wants one of those Borneo shrunken heads. Go figure.

*************************************************************

Even later, at the Summers house:

Buffy: You didnt have to come with me.

Spike: And not check on my favorite morsel? I may tend to evil, but Im  
not completely heartless.

Buffy: Technically, you are.

Spike: You know what I mean!

Buffy (yelling as they go inside): Dawn! Mom! Dawn are you OK?

Dawn (comes tripping down the stairs): Yup  fine. Pain all gone,  
voice all back.

Buffy: Great, just when I was getting used to the peace and quiet. (She  
gives her a hug.)

Dawn goes over to Spike and gives him a hug. He looks embarrassed again.  


Spike: Alright luv, glad to see you up and about again.

Dawn (mischievously): Wanna watch Mulan?

Spike groans as Buffy breaks into laughter.

*************************************************************

The very next day in the danger room:

Buffy: Spike (punch) I uh, (punch) wanted to thank you (punch) for helping  
with Dawn.

Spike (as he takes a blow): Youve got a hell of a way of showing  
it luv.

Buffy: No, (kick) I mean it. (She stops fighting for a minute) Thank  
you.

Spike (searches her eyes, but doesnt seem to find what he wants,  
so he gives her a wry half-smile): No problem  but Im sending  
you the cleaning bill for my blanket.

Buffy (smiling back): Well, you wanna have another go?

Spike (sighing): Alright lets go.

They continue with their one sided sparring for a bit.

Buffy: Cmon Spike, take a shot, I need my daily funnies.

Spike (mumbling): I always rise to this....

He punches Buffy hard. She falls to the floor and looks up at him in  
surprise, clutching her already reddening cheek. Spike is not in any sort  
of pain. He looks at his fist, looks at Buffy, and a slow cocky grin begins  
to spread across his face.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of what became increasingly long and baroque disclaimers. I am putting them at the end in case anyone remembers them fondly. Disclaimer: These characters arent ours. We just like to play with  
> them. The BtVS gang belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB, and any other  
> copyright holders. The Little Mermaid and Mulan belong to Disney. No mythological  
> creatures were harmed in the writing of this story.


End file.
